What Marcus Aurelius Can Teach Us About Grief

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences — and yet when it arrives, it can feel deeply personal, isolating, and overwhelming. We grieve people, relationships, versions of ourselves, lost futures, and even the stability we thought we had. No matter who we are, grief reshapes us.

For centuries, people have turned to philosophy for guidance during difficult times. Among the greatest teachers is Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher whose private journal — now known as Meditations — offers profound insight into navigating pain, loss, and the emotional storms of life.

Although written nearly two thousand years ago, Marcus’ words remain startlingly relevant today. His reflections neither avoid emotion nor suppress it. Instead, they teach us how to meet grief with presence, acceptance, and compassion.

Below are some of the most powerful Stoic teachings from Marcus Aurelius — and how they can help us move through grief without losing ourselves.

1. “Accept the things to which fate binds you.” — The Art of Radical Acceptance

Marcus Aurelius believed strongly in accepting what we cannot change. In grief, this can feel impossible. We naturally resist loss — we replay moments, ask “why?”, bargain with reality, or become stuck in rumination.

Marcus’ invitation is not to like what happened

…but to stop fighting the fact that it has happened.

This is the heart of radical acceptance — a concept widely used in modern therapies like DBT and mindfulness-based counselling.

Why this helps:

When we stop exhausting ourselves by resisting reality, we free up energy for healing. Acceptance softens grief; it doesn’t erase it, but it removes the extra layer of suffering created by resisting what is already true.

Practice:

Gently remind yourself:

“This hurts. I don’t have to like it. But I can accept that it is part of my story.”

2. “You have power over your mind — not outside events.” — Finding Ground When Life Feels Out of Control

Grief often brings chaos. Routines break. Emotions surge. Your sense of order dissolves.

Marcus teaches that while we cannot control external events — including loss — we can choose how we relate to our thoughts and feelings.

This is not about suppressing emotion.

It is about building a stable inner place where emotions can be felt safely.

This aligns beautifully with modern CBT and NLP principles:

• We may not choose our initial emotional reaction,

• But we can choose the meaning we assign to our pain,

• And the thoughts we engage with.

Why this helps:

Loss can make us feel powerless. Marcus helps us reclaim the part of our life that grief cannot take from us: our ability to reflect, understand, and respond.

Practice:

Ask yourself:

“What part of this moment is within my control?”

Often the answer is simple: my breath, my next step, my way of speaking to myself.

3. “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.” — The Impermanence of Everything

Marcus was deeply aware that life is constant change, and grief is one of its harshest teachers. He reminds us that nothing — not even suffering — is permanent.

This can feel cold, but when understood through a compassionate lens, it becomes comforting:

• Your grief today is not your grief forever.

• This moment is not the whole story.

• Everything shifts, softens, evolves.

Why this helps:

Knowing that grief transforms over time offers hope. Stoicism does not deny pain, but it reassures us that pain is not fixed.

Practice:

When grief feels heavy, gently repeat:

“This moment will change. I am allowed to change with it.”

4. “Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years.” — Loving Fully While We Can

This teaching is one of Marcus’ most famous, and one of the most beautiful.

Grief often makes us regret the moments we wish we had lived more deeply. Marcus reminds us that life’s fragility is what gives it meaning.

In fact, grief itself can reconnect us with what matters — presence, loved ones, purpose.

Why this helps:

Instead of drowning in “I should have…”, we can turn our focus toward

“I will make the most of what remains.”

Grief becomes a teacher, not a thief.

5. “What stands in the way becomes the way.” — Transforming Grief Into Growth

This line (made famous today by Ryan Holiday but rooted in Marcus’ Stoic thinking) perfectly captures the Stoic approach to suffering.

For Marcus, obstacles aren’t roadblocks — they are the very path forward.

That doesn’t mean forcing yourself to “be strong” or “get over it.”

Instead, it means recognising that:

• grief expands your emotional capacity,

• it deepens empathy,

• it teaches what truly matters,

• it invites you to reflect, grow, and become more whole.

Why this helps:

Grief is not just something to survive.

It can become a profound catalyst for self-understanding.

6. “If it is endurable, then endure it. If it is not, then stop complaining.” — Compassion for Your Pain

This quote is often misunderstood as harsh, but Marcus wasn’t talking about suppressing emotion. He was talking about recognising our own resilience.

Grief is often more endurable than we expect — not less painful, but more survivable.

Marcus reminds us that many of the things we fear breaking us… don’t.

Why this helps:

This perspective creates inner confidence:

“If I am feeling this, it means I am enduring it.”

Your emotional capacity is greater than you realise.

What Marcus Aurelius Would Say to Someone Grieving Today

If Marcus were sitting across from you — as a philosopher, not an emperor — he might say something like:

• “You are human, so you will suffer. But you are also capable, so you will endure.”

• “Let this pain open you, not close you.”

• “Do not turn away from grief — it is teaching you about life.”

• “Return gently to the present moment. It is the only place where healing happens.”

He would not tell you to “move on.”

He would tell you to move with your grief — honouring it, learning from it, and allowing it to shape you without defining you.

Final Reflection: Grief as a Path, Not a Prison

Grief will always change us. Stoicism doesn’t ask us to hide from that truth — it encourages us to meet it with clarity and courage.

Marcus Aurelius teaches us that:

• Grief is part of the human condition

• Acceptance creates space for healing

• We can influence how we meet our emotions

• Pain is a powerful teacher

• Everything — even grief — transforms over time

In the Stoic view, grief is not a flaw but a reflection of love.

And moving through it is not about being unshaken…

…but about becoming more grounded, more compassionate, and more present.

If you are grieving today, may these teachings offer a gentle anchor - a way to hold your pain without losing yourself in it.

You do not have to walk this journey alone.

And with time, as Marcus knew, the heart finds its way forward.